“I’m always late, I’m always late, and it’s not because I procrastinate.”
- The White Rabbit in Alice in Wonderland
Some of us have a pattern of being late for appointments, social events, classes, and project deadlines. No matter how hard we try, no matter how strong our resolve to be on time, it just doesn’t happen. We are always late. Researchers estimate that 15 to 20 percent of the population is afflicted with chronic tardiness. Thankfully, with some self-examination, motivation, and practice, people who suffer from this affliction can deal with it successfully and learn to be on time.
The problem of tardiness affects all portions of the population equally – young and old, male and female, the wealthy and the poor. Research shows that people who are chronically late score lower on tests that measure nurturance, self- esteem, and self-discipline, and score higher on measures of anxiety and distractibility. Another finding from research is that people who are consistently late underestimate the passage of time.
If you are a late-comer to appointments, you are probably familiar with the embarrassment you feel when people, all of whom seem to be able to get there before you, begin to see you as a problem. You know well the jolt of anxiety that comes as you walk into a room late and notice glances between those who have arrived on time, and perhaps the dreaded rolling of eyes. You know the humiliation of being the target for someone’s sarcasm – “Well, we’re glad you could join us.” You know the experience of making up excuses. “The traffic held me up.” “I had to take an important phone call and the other person wouldn’t stop talking.” “I had a family emergency.” “I couldn’t find my keys.” But the excuses only work a few times – and then the raw truth sets in. People learn not to take you seriously because, frankly, they feel that you don’t take them seriously. If you did, you would be there on time. People can see through the excuses, especially if these excuses are part of a repetitive pattern, and they resent being misled. Chronic tardiness affects not only the way others see you, but also the way in which see yourself. It compromises your integrity.
Our culture encourages tight schedules and gives timeliness a high priority. Industrialized nations value productivity, discipline, achievement, and the coordination of activities. North Americans, the Japanese, the Swiss, and the Germans all place a high value on being on time. To deviate from these values is to invite resistance from others. These values are not universally found across all cultures, however. Indeed, in some less technologically advanced societies, there is a different concept of time, and their languages don’t provide words for hours, minutes and seconds. Hispanic societies traditionally have a siesta time during the afternoon – a couple of hours to take a nap. And even in England, there was historically a time for a leisurely afternoon cup of tea, although this custom is fading as the British become more highly scheduled. In some societies, being “on time” is defined flexibly. Invite people to your dinner party at 7:00, and expect them to start rolling in at 8:00 or 9:00. This would hardly work, however, in our society, where everything moves like clockwork.
Experts recognize that the problem of tardiness usually has no single or simple cause. Instead, it is a symptom of complex underlying issues that often manifest themselves in other areas of the person’s life as well. Several causes of chronic lateness have been identified, and most people find that two or more of these conditions account for their consistent tardiness. Consider the following causes of tardiness to see if you can come up with a strategy for understanding and dealing with the problem.
Further reading of this article can be found in http://lifeesteem.org/wellness/wellness_punctuality.html
